Overdramatic or Fed Up?

Okay so, I’m super extra.

Like, my entire being is over the top, overdramatic EVERYTHING!

Big hair, big lashes, big dreams has always been my unofficial motto. (that’s actually very catchy, so it’s my official motto now)

And for the most part, that’s always been my favorite thing about myself.

Until it isn’t.

This usually occurs when I’ve come to a crossroads about relationships.

And because of my over the top personality, people don’t always take me seriously when I share my thoughts about the negative effects of said relationships.

Case and point, last December.

I made the conscious decision to end a 10+ year friendship because many lines had been crossed and it had gotten to the point where I was questioning my self-worth and settling in major ways.

Now, I must take accountability for the role I played, as the fault was not all on this person.

I would, at times, initiate situations that I knew weren’t healthy for either of us, and then get mad at the results that stemmed from this.

It’s amazing how we have the audacity to act surprised and hurt at occurrences that we caused.

Anyway, I first had to get myself together for not only allowing, but also encouraging this toxicity in certain occasions.

So, of course knowing this, I don’t think this person nor the people around us took me seriously when I said I was fed up.

Because they’d seen the spats play out too many times, they’d seen us not talk for months on end just to end up right back where we started, they paid me dust.

Honestly, I couldn’t blame them, but I could control my new narrative.

I knew that even though we had a lot of history (which no one STILL lets me forget), that didn’t mean that this relationship was worth salvaging.

Too many boundaries had been crossed, too many emotions involved, and my mind was just a chaotic mess.

I needed to take a step away, analyze, and regroup.

And even though it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, I immediately felt lighter for one, getting everything off my chest, and two, not feeling overdramatic for getting everything off my chest.

Let’s explore this concept.

Just as I shared with this individual, I often put myself in or allowed uncomfortable settings/situations to make everyone else around me feel comfortable.

Because I too, remembered my faults in this relationship, I felt like I’d be a burden to everyone for fully expressing myself.

I guess you can say I felt like I deserved it.

But you know what one of the most beautiful things about life is?

It’s that you hold the power to change both your mind and your situation.

We all fall short at times; we all suffer the consequences to the unhealthy actions we choose to take.

That doesn’t mean that we are supposed to stay there and wallow in it.

Grace is a real thing, people, and so is self-forgiveness.

Just because I allowed things in the past, doesn’t mean I deserve the negative repercussions in the present and the future.

This was a huge pill for me to swallow not just because of the turmoil in my mind, but also because I knew this individual is a really great human being at their core.

It’s way easier to forgive yourself when the other person is trash.

But nonetheless, I found the courage to walk away despite the noise, and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

It kicked off the most transformative year of my life, and I’m thankful for the shift.

I honestly don’t know if we’ll ever become friends again, but I do know that if we do, it won’t be because I feel pressured into it.

And I’m not focusing on that right now, because I’m still healing, so that relationship can stay right where it’s at.

It’s time for me to be my top priority.

And there’s nothing overdramatic about that.