Let’s Talk About Friendship Series Part 2: Letting Go

We’ve all been there.

At some point in every person’s life they must make the decision to end a friendship.

Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes you’re so fed up it’s easy, but all the time it’s very impactful.

I am a firm believer that friendship breakups are worse than most breakups with romantic partners.

This is because our friendships usually outlast these relationships and have way more history.

History.

Don’t y’all just love that word?

I used to love that word, but I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with it right now.

Let me explain why.

You guys heard me mention how I was bullied growing up, and naturally that had a direct effect on my self-esteem.

People often link self-esteem with romantic relationships, but they coincide with friendships as well.

Because I aligned my self-esteem with the number of friends I had, you can only imagine how many toxic friendships I created.

These “friendships” were one-sided, superficial, and had no solid standing.

But I always held on because they had been around for a while, they were comfortably uncomfortable.

In other words, we had a lot of history.

It didn’t matter that the history was tainted with drama, feelings of inadequacy, and even trauma in extreme cases.

Just the fact that there was history, was enough to try to keep the pieces together.

But that ain’t it, sis.

You are not required to put up with a relationship that isn’t serving you just because y’all “go way back”.

“Well, how can I identify if this is my situation?”

I’m so glad you asked!

For one thing, if you even have to ask, that should tell you that something in the water isn’t clean.

No relationship is perfect, so you shouldn’t end it because you had a spat with your sister, it’s normal.

However, if there are issues that are consistently plaguing you over an extended period of time, you need to determine if it’s worth resolving.

Especially if you’ve brought the issue to their attention, pay close attention to how they respond and their mannerisms thereafter.

If they receive what you say with a hostile demeanor and make no real effort to change the behavior, know that you are dealing with someone who doesn’t care about your feelings in the friendship.

While we’re at it, let’s just call out a list of red flags that indicate you should let go of the friendship.

If all your conversations consist of them talking about themselves and their life with little input from you about yours, and they still make those rare moments about themselves, let it go.

Narcissist!

If they always leave you in the club for a dude or other friends, let it go.

Disloyal!

If they always expect you to finance everything, let it go.

User!

If they get mad at you for saying no, let it go.

Entitled!

If they always put you in chaotic situations, let it go.

Dramatic!

If they always exclude you from things with other friends, let it go.

Egotistical!

If they always make snide remarks about your accomplishments, let it go.

Envious!

If they always seem to be in competition with you, let it go!

Insecure!

Let’s explore these last two a little more.

I used to feel like it was mandatory for all your friends to directly support your endeavors by sharing or purchasing and other things of that sort.

Over time though, I’ve come to learn that someone not buying your product or service doesn’t mean they’re not your friend.

Sometimes, it’s just not their thing.

And sometimes, they are not in the place to be able to financially contribute.

Just like people working regular 9-to-5’s, most times they rarely touch on work related topics when conversing with their friends.

As long as they offer support in other avenues, this is not something to fret.

However.

There’s a difference between them not being involved in your career pursuits and them shading your career pursuits.

You don’t have to buy from me, but don’t talk down on what I’m trying to build.

This could come in the form of them making jokes at your expense, facial expressions, or just changing the subject altogether.

You will always be able to tell who doesn’t support you if you take the time to pay attention.

Let them go!

Regarding competition?

A little competition never hurt, especially when your friend circle is filled with ambitious people, it can serve as motivation actually.

The issue comes in when that competitive nature overrides their need to support you as an individual.

But we’ll dive into this more next week in the final installment of the series!

Let me know what you think of the second part in the comments below and on our social media pages!

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