“The persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.”
This is the Oxford dictionary definition of impostor syndrome.
As my loyal readers may know, I usually add an altered definition of my own to simplify things or make it more applicable to the topic, but in this case the definition hits the nail right on the head.
Impostor syndrome is an ideology that every ambitious person will encounter at some point in their life.
For me, personally, it’s been very prevalent within the last year or so, with this brand specifically.
You guys know the story about how TMP came to be and some of the obstacles I faced, but I’ve never really shared just how much I doubted myself throughout this process.
But in the name of all things transparent, I will today because that’s what we do at TMP.
“Hey guys, what’s up it’s Khala, and today I’m going to be doing a Storytime!”
(I really should start a TMP YouTube channel, maybe when I find time to breathe.)
Okay, so let’s go back to last June.
I had just signed on to be a beauty team member at Columbia Fashion Week, wanting to gain fashion experience and make more connections.
The first feeling of inadequacy occurred in the team meetings prior to, because I wasn’t a makeup artist nor a hairstylist, while everyone else on the team had licenses and/or more experience.
I had discovered that I actually grew up with my team director and the founder of the event, so that made me a little more comfortable, but I still felt inferior.
Then, we get to Fashion Week.
There were multiple events that we had to go to throughout the entire week, naturally, mainly to network.
For one of the events in particular, our director asked us to bring our business cards.
Um.
Sis, I ain’t got it (insert Teairra Mari gif here)!
Now, at this point I had started creating content for TMP, had my logo, was putting the finishing touches on my site, had the launch date, all that good stuff.
However, the core blog intent was centered around self-development, not beauty or even fashion.
And I wasn’t trying to become a make-up artist or hairstylist, so I felt clueless.
I didn’t even have a product or service to sell in general, so what would I promote?
Sounds like a stupid question to you, I know, but when you have a brand that has not even launched yet, and it’s in a completely different lane then the brands in your current setting, you begin to question your validity.
I felt like I would look stupid handing out business cards for a blog that hadn’t yet launched and wouldn’t offer any products or services(yet), at a fashion and beauty event no less.
But I did it anyway because different was better than nothing.
Remember this statement.
So, I crafted my business cards around the blog, highlighting lifestyle, fashion, and beauty, and it was received really well at the event.
No one looked at me sideways when I explained my brand.
Well would you look at that.
And that weekend, when we did all the shows, I kept right up with the professionals and never had any complaints from the models.
I actually only received compliments.
So, overall that experience was great, but of course the story doesn’t just stop here.
Time passes, TMP goes live the following month, the following begins to grow as I get into the groove of things and expand, and we reach December.
For those that don’t know, I’m very involved in extracurricular activities at school, and one of the organizations is the NAACP.
They had reached out a few months earlier to feature the blog on their social media page where they highlight black businesses every week, and to be quite honest I felt inadequate then because I didn’t look at my blog as a business, but I accepted because of the exposure.
Shit got real when the Vice President reached out and asked if I was interested in being a vendor at the Black History Month Festival they were hosting in February.
Okay.
The same question that had plagued my head six months prior made a reappearance.
“I don’t sell a product or service, what am I going to promote?”
I had never heard of a blog vendor table; I felt like I would look stupid only giving away business cards.
But then I thought, why can’t I just create something else to sell or giveaway?
It was always my goal to eventually sell TMP merch and other branded services, I was just waiting on the “perfect time” to expand into commerce.
But is there ever really a perfect time when it comes to things as such?
I felt like my brand wasn’t ready, but other people obviously saw something different.
If I wasn’t equipped, then the opportunity would have never presented itself.
Now granted, you shouldn’t say yes to every opportunity that comes your way, but in this case, I was only considering saying no out of fear.
And that’s what impostor syndrome really boils down to really; fear.
Fear that other people won’t support, that they’ll think you’re illegitimate.
So, I said I’m gonna sell some t-shirts.
I can design them myself on one of the numerous t-shirt sites and sell them with my business cards!
With a newfound excitement, I accepted the vendor offer.
I had ordered my shirts, I was hype.
Then last month the Vice President reached out again, this time to ask me to give a mental health seminar at the festival as well.
Y’all!
I said yes immediately this time because I knew it would be good for me, but the impostor syndrome had reached an all-time high.
I think it’s the word “seminar”, especially, it implies that I’m an expert or something crazy like that.
I don’t have the fancy degrees or anything else of that sort, but what I do have is my own personal experience.
And no one can question my validity on that.
So, here I am, preparing for a vendor table and mental health seminar next Saturday with no manufacturing company backing me, no degree or certification, just passion and personal connections.
I’m positively sure that this won’t be my last time facing imposter syndrome because my brand is different, but different is better than nothing.
I wasn’t meant to fit in, I’m creating my own lane for myself and others like me.
And you should, too.
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