Emotional detachment can mean multiple things.
However, this two-part definition from www.sciencedaily.com is one that I highly identified with, so I thought I’d share it with you.
Simply defined, emotional detachment either “refers to an inability to connect with others on an emotional level, as well as a means of coping with anxiety by avoiding certain situations that trigger it; it is often described as “emotional numbing” or dissociation” or it can be “a type of mental assertiveness that allows people to maintain their boundaries and psychic integrity when faced with the emotional demands of another person or group of persons”.
I really appreciate that second perspective definition because it’s the first time in a long time that I’ve associated anything healthy or positive with emotional detachment.
These definitions will be the basis of this post as we explore the causes and effects of the varied routes.
Jumping right into the first perspective, this has been one that I identify with the most.
I often have trouble with expressing myself, at least when it comes to vulnerability.
Because of this, I find it hard to connect with others at times, which may be hard to believe as I have this blog, but that’s why #TheMelaninPerspective exists.
Nearly every emotional breakdown (or breakthrough) I’ve experienced where I’ve been all but forced to share my feelings, I’ve done so in the form of writing.
Letters, specifically.
I wrote a family member a letter right before a pivotal shift in our lives, and I wrote a letter ending the relationship with the individual I spoke of last week. It’s just my thing.
I can usually write the things I can’t say, which is why I say that this blog is literally an online diary for me.
And although I am very glad to have found this outlet, I can’t use it as a crutch in every situation.
I’ve got to learn how to be vulnerable verbally.
And this is not just in the negative sense.
I get weirded out for some reason with saying “I love you” and giving hugs/kisses to my close family and friends. I just get so awkward with all the lovey dovey stuff.
I oddly find it easier to be more expressive with strangers and associates, which is crazy because I had a great upbringing, knowing that I was loved and all that.
PAUSE: I am aware that I need therapy, that will come eventually, so don’t fret.
Anyway, it’s something I struggle with, but I am trying to be better.
Some of you may notice that this particular topic doesn’t really have a conclusive epiphany like last week, and it’s because I’m still trying to define the “causes” of this perspective.
The effects, however, have been very clear.
My negative detachment has led to many blow-ups on my behalf, straining some relationships and ending others altogether.
So, pray for me as I continue to try to get my ish together.
Now, on to the second perspective.
I believe this definition is one of the reasons why I’ve grown attached to my emotional detachment.
In the past, I was always a “Yes” person, which caused me to end up in many unfortunate situations that could have been avoided or just taken advantage of in general. (I guess this is one of the “causes” for the first perspective?)
Establishing boundaries has always been a weakness of mine, especially when it comes to emotions.
It’s so ironic how the most emotionally detached people are usually the main ones that people confide their own emotions in.
I am an empath, which can mean I tend to take on the problems of others as my own.
It wouldn’t be until I was knee deep in someone else’s shit that I would realize, “This is not my problem. I shouldn’t be here.”
So, I attempted to build a wall of sorts to set hard lines with those who confide in me.
Because, while I’m honored that people deem me trustworthy enough to share their innermost thoughts, it’s not my place nor is it my responsibility to try to resolve their issues.
Especially because most times, they don’t want to really resolve them, they’re just venting.
And that made me want to establish boundaries with even being a listening ear.
I’m so tired of hearing the same sob story about a someone or something that you really don’t want to change because then I’ll be pissed for wanting something for someone more than they do.
So, this kind of emotional detachment can be very healthy, and very necessary for your own peace of mind.
I have a better handle on this then the first definition, but it’s still a work in progress.
All in all, it seems the goal for me is to dial back on the first perspective of emotional detachment, and to exercise the second more often.
I feel like this is the same goal for a lot of y’all too, so we gone go through this together.
God, bless us all.
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